Brain fog

Fog brain

Brain frog

Frog brain

Bog Frog

Brain Bog

Bogged down

Like the bog bodies --

“Remarkably intact, yet oddly disorienting” - Roy van Beek

Almost human, but slightly

Disconnected

Discoloured

Disingenuous

Remains remaining in limbo, under the sun, but under something deeper

Layers of peat just sinking and seeping and reaping

And sowing

a grave dug by the weight of human indecency

it was me it was me it was me

And this is all things for which i am responsible

No thoughts worth vocalizing

I’m deep in the pit and the world is over anyways

Let the frogs have me

Let me be useful in some way

Let me do no harm

Let me achieve nothing

The more I think the lower i sink and i know now i am talking to the dead

little bubbles leaving my lips, sliding up through the sludge slime

struggling to breach the surface

they make no sound at all

It’s quiet here

peaceful even

its nice to be with someone instead of being for someone

i used to not know the difference

or... wrapped the two up so tight i couldn't breath or think anyways

thats how he liked me

i could fit all of me inside of the pretty packaging

it didn't matter if most of me was folding in on itself

they didn't need to know that as long as i was pretty

that was loving

if i could keep holding on, they would know how much i cared

if i could fit tighter and tighter, they would know that i was worth it

i gave my breath willingly as it was forced out of my lungs and taken by a pair of greedy fists

let them wrap tight around my throat

falling back into the box as tv static vision blurred into

unconscious

and that is the hardest part

i gave willingly

id like to write about the being with someone now

but not yet

and not today

the gentleness is still unfolding

and me along with it

I can hear your laugh as we would have turned our paintings around

Yours would be a mockery made by sloppy hands and instability

I would take mine too seriously so that you would know that you are seen

A gentle intensity in an act of light-hearted intimacy

You'd paint a truer picture of me than I ever could

Yours is truth

But a photograph couldn't show the you underneath

Laughter doesn't harbor reality and your distance brings clarity.

I want to paint you, but I don't want anyone to see

i want to sit inside and watch the snow

Fallen

Collective

getting lost & being found

the World isn’t ending

it is beginning

every single day

New

not one is ever the same